Grieving During the Holidays: 6 Ways to Find Comfort

A familiar recipe you haven’t made since someone passed away. A holiday card you no longer send. A tradition that suddenly feels different because someone isn’t there to share it.

Why Can Grief Feel More Intense During the Holidays?

Grief doesn’t follow a predictable timeline. You might feel that you’ve adjusted to your loss, only to find yourself unexpectedly emotional when the holidays approach.

The season is filled with reminders of the past. Familiar songs, decorations, family gatherings, and traditions can bring back memories of people and experiences that once made this time of year meaningful.

It’s the familiar moments that can make someone’s absence feel especially painful. A phone call you used to receive, a familiar voice at the dinner table, or someone who always knew exactly what gift to give.

The holidays can also bring a sense of pressure to participate in celebrations when you’re not feeling particularly festive. You may find yourself wondering whether you should be feeling better by now, especially if your loss happened years ago.

But grief isn’t something we simply finish experiencing. It can change over time, becoming less intense in some moments and resurfacing during meaningful occasions.

The American Psychological Association (APA) offers guidance on coping with grief during the holiday season, including recognizing emotional needs and adjusting traditions and expectations.

Missing someone during the holidays doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress. It means that person, relationship, or experience continues to hold meaning in your life.

Grief Isn’t Always About Losing Someone to Death

Although grief is often associated with the death of a loved one, many other experiences can leave us mourning what used to be or what we hoped life would look like.

The holidays can be particularly difficult when you’re experiencing:

• Divorce or separation: Adjusting to new family arrangements, shared custody, or traditions that no longer look the same.

• Family estrangement: Missing someone who is still alive but no longer part of your life.

• Illness or changes in health: Grieving abilities, independence, or experiences that have become more difficult.

• Major life transitions: Moving away from loved ones, losing a home, or experiencing significant changes in family circumstances.

• Unfulfilled expectations: Feeling sadness about relationships, milestones, or the family life you imagined but haven’t experienced.

As the National Health Service (NHS) explains, grief and loss can arise from many significant life experiences, not only bereavement. These losses may not always be visible to others. Sometimes, people around you don’t even realize you’re grieving. Yet the emotions can be very real. Recognizing these experiences as forms of grief can be an important step toward understanding and caring for yourself.

6 Ways to Navigate Grief During the Holiday Season

There is no perfect way to approach the holidays after a loss. What feels comforting to one person may feel overwhelming to another, and your needs may change from year to year.

The following suggestions are about finding small ways to make space for your feelings while caring for yourself.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Do Things Differently

Maybe you’ve always hosted Christmas dinner, decorated the entire house, or traveled to see family. This year, those traditions might feel like too much.

It’s okay to simplify your plans, decline an invitation, or celebrate in a completely different way. You might decide to have a quiet dinner instead of a large gathering, travel somewhere new, or spend the day with just a few people who understand what you’re going through.

You can also change your mind.

What matters is permitting yourself to make choices based on what you need now, rather than what you’ve always done.

2. Find Your Own Way to Remember

For some people, keeping a loved one’s memory present during the holidays can bring comfort. You might prepare their favorite meal, display a meaningful photograph, light a candle, or share a favorite story. Other people may prefer to remember privately, without creating a special ritual.

Both approaches are valid.

You don’t have to recreate every tradition to honor someone, and you don’t have to avoid memories to move forward. Sometimes, simply acknowledging that you miss them is enough.

3. Make Room for Unexpected Emotions

Grief can be unpredictable.

You might feel peaceful in the morning, enjoy spending time with family, and suddenly become tearful when a familiar song starts playing. Or you might feel irritated, emotionally exhausted, or disconnected without immediately understanding why.

Try not to judge yourself for these reactions.

Instead, give yourself a moment to notice what you’re feeling. Take a short walk, step outside for some fresh air, or talk with someone you trust.

You don’t need to explain every emotion or immediately find a way to make it go away. Sometimes, allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling is an important part of the grieving process.

4. Let Yourself Experience Joy Without Guilt

One of the more complicated aspects of grief is discovering that sadness and happiness can exist at the same time. You may laugh with friends, enjoy a holiday gathering, or feel excited about making new memories, then wonder whether you should be feeling happy at all.

For some people, joy can bring a sense of guilt, as though enjoying life means leaving someone behind. But experiencing happiness doesn’t diminish your loss or the love you continue to feel. You can miss someone deeply and still enjoy a beautiful moment. Making room for joy doesn’t mean making less room for love.

5. Share What You Need With Others

People who care about you may not always know how to help.

Some might avoid mentioning your loss because they’re afraid of upsetting you. Others may encourage you to participate in celebrations before you feel ready.

Rather than expecting people to know what you need, consider telling them. You might say:

• “I’d love to come, but I may need to leave early.”

• “It would mean a lot if we could talk about some of our favorite memories.”

• “I’m having a difficult time this year. Could we spend some time together?”

• “I appreciate the invitation, but I think I need a quieter holiday.”

These conversations aren’t always easy, but they can help the people around you offer support in ways that feel meaningful.

6. Create Space for New Traditions

After a significant loss, the idea of changing traditions can feel uncomfortable. You might worry that doing something new means forgetting the past or letting go of a connection that matters deeply. But traditions don’t have to remain unchanged to stay meaningful.

You might keep one familiar ritual while introducing something different. Perhaps you prepare a favorite family recipe but celebrate in a new location, or spend part of the holiday remembering someone and another part creating new experiences.

There is no need to rush this process. Over time, you may discover ways to honor what was while making room for what comes next.

How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving During the Holidays

Watching someone you care about experience grief can leave you unsure of what to say. You may want to make things better, but grief isn’t a problem that can be solved with the right words.

Often, the most meaningful support comes from being present.

The American Psychological Association provides guidance on supporting grieving loved ones, including listening, acknowledging their experiences, and offering practical help.

Instead of encouraging someone to stay positive or focus on the holidays, try acknowledging what they’re experiencing. You might say: “I know this time of year may bring up a lot of memories. I’m thinking of you, and I’m here if you’d like some company.”

Small gestures can also make a difference. Invite them for a walk, offer to help with holiday preparations, or check in without expecting an immediate response.

And remember that support doesn’t have to end when the holidays do. Grief continues long after decorations come down and everyday routines return. Sometimes, simply remembering to reach out in January can mean a great deal.

When Might Grief Counseling Be Helpful?

Grief is a natural response to loss, and not everyone who is grieving needs therapy. However, there are times when talking with a mental health professional can provide valuable support.

You might consider grief counseling if:

• Your emotions feel overwhelming or difficult to manage.

• You’re having trouble sleeping, concentrating, or managing everyday responsibilities.

• You feel increasingly isolated from friends or family.

• You’re experiencing persistent guilt, anxiety, or hopelessness.

• You’re struggling to adjust to life after a significant loss.

• You want a private space to talk openly about experiences you find difficult to share with others.

The National Institute on Aging offers additional information about coping with grief, seeking support, and adjusting to life after losing someone important.

Therapy doesn’t aim to erase grief or encourage you to forget someone you love. Instead, it can help you understand your emotional responses, process difficult experiences, and find ways to adjust to the changes loss has brought into your life.

You don’t need to wait until you’re struggling to function before reaching out. Simply having a space where you don’t have to explain, minimize, or hide your feelings can be meaningful.

Finding Support With Christine Mason at The Halliday Center

Grief is deeply personal, and sometimes having someone who understands the complexity of loss can make a meaningful difference.

Christine Mason, MA, (AMFT #164677), practices under the supervision of Veronica Solaris, Psy.D., (CA PSY #34522) brings more than 15 years of experience working in hospice communities, supporting individuals and families through illness, caregiving, end-of-life experiences, bereavement, and major life transitions.

At The Halliday Center, Christine works with adults navigating grief and loss, anxiety, depression, relationship concerns, and significant life changes.

Her background offers a thoughtful perspective on the many ways loss can affect our lives, relationships, and sense of identity. She provides a compassionate space where clients can explore difficult emotions, share their experiences, and find meaning as they adjust to change.

Whether you’re facing your first holiday season after a loss or finding that old memories are resurfacing, you don’t have to navigate those feelings alone.

Interested in working with Christine? Contact The Halliday Center to learn more about her services and availability.

We’re here when you’re ready.

Frequently Asked Questions About Grieving During the Holidays

Why does grief feel harder during the holidays?

Is it normal to feel grief years after losing someone?

Should I continue holiday traditions after losing a loved one?

Is it okay to enjoy the holidays while grieving?

How can therapy help with grief?